October 27, 2009

Today is my Dad's 81st Birthday. My sister and I had dinner with him at Sentry Hill. She picked up fried clams and haddock from the Weathervane and two birthday cakes form somewhere else.

Haven H. Freeman enjoying some fried clams

After we had the fried food I went up stairs to find Jack Lewis and invited him to join us for cake. He came downstairs to Browning with his harmonica. We played a few tunes together while my Dad at cake. We were also joined by a resident whose name is Cedric. He is confined to a wheelchair yet managed to contribute to our musical follies after being coerced by Jack with a bit of yodeling.

Haven and Kevin Freeman

I think my Dad felt like having Jack there took a bit of attention away from him. But it was good for all of us. Jack is a very kind soul. He makes great music and I was delighted to play with him. Jack also pays attention to everyone and is very inquisitive. A marvel for 94 years.

Kevin playing harmonica with Jack Lewis

Before my sister had arrived I took my Dad for a walk around the building. He talked to me about how unhappy he was and how he was getting nowhere. He said no one was helping him. He didn't want to stay at Sentry Hill. As he told me this I couldn't help thinking about how lucky he is. The heat was over 78°F though he said he wasn't warm. The interior and exterior of the premises are charming. The staff is always attentive. And my Dad is unhappy about being there. I think he is serious. I don't know what would make him happy. I really don't know. I take this as some solace as I think no matter where he might be he will be unhappy. At least he is unhappy in an otherwise very nice situation.

Daughter Karen and Haven Freeman

Here is a prayer my Dad taught me when I was a little boy:

O God, Dear Heavenly Father
Please let us thank you for this day,
Especially for Mommy and Daddy and Karen
and Grammy Freeman and Grammy McNamara
and Grandpa Bill.
Please be with all of our friends and neighbors,
and be with all of the sick people
that we do know about and don't,
especially (who ever was in need of prayer due to sickness)
We ask it all in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Happy 81st Birthday Dad, I love You!

October 20, 2009

This article is quite astute in its insights as experienced by me.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/post.cfm?id=should-advanced-dementia-be-conside-2009-10-14

My dad has constantly complained about pains in his back and abdomen. Some days he says he just doesn't feel good. This, combined with his symptoms of dementia make his journey very undesirable.

Although he has check ups every 4 months his doctor has done little more than listen. The last visit his doctor spent a lot of time listening to my sister and I express a myriad of concerns. Everything would be treated by medications. Either adjusting the dosage or trying a different type of drug.

My father's physical condition has deteriorated rapidly in the last 5 months. Although in the last two months I have seen no evidence of him falling.

October 15, 2009

My brother in law, Nigel Noton, passed away 1 year ago today. He was 47. He died from a brain tumor. He managed to live about 11 years after he was diagnosed.

His death is surreal to me. My wife wasn't close to him. We saw him at Christmas and occasionally Easter at my wife's parent's house. We also spent a week with him and his family during the summers for about 10 years. My mother and father-in-law would take us all up to Lake Winnipesaukee in NH and once to Bermuda. Their generosity enabled us to spend time together atleast for a short time each year as a family.

As we didn't spend a lot of time together it really doesn't seem like he is gone. Today his wife and kids are meeting my mother and father-in-law for a meal at a restaurant to remember him. They asked my wife if she would like to go and she declined.

October 11, 2009

Haven H. Freeman in Japan while serving in the Korean Conflict (War), 1954

My daughter is doing a project for social studies and asked for some family photos. I scanned some photos for her and when I got to the photos of my Dad in uniform I recalled how proud he is to have served in the Korean War. He was there in 1954 and has told me things were winding down. He said that although he never saw combat they were always on alert. They slept outside in the winter, washed with cold water and would hike 30 miles with full gear.

Currently, my dad is noticeably worsening weekly if not monthly. He is much more likely to begin a sentence and stop after one or two words. When prompted to finish he has completely forgotten what he started and isn't overly frustrated.

Although there are exceptions such as when he went apple picking last week with some other residents at Sentry Hill. He told me many details about the ride to New Hampshire, the apples he tried and about the "old timer" who owned the orchard, plus two others.

He remembers me when I see him, although a few days ago he initially referred to me as Fred. Fred was his Uncle. He then laughed and said, "I just called you Fred, Kevin."

I never met Fred (Perkins), he was gone long before I was born. In the past 10 years my father has also called me Paul (his brother's name) a few times. It has been rare but one takes notice when they are called by a different name other than their own. He has always corrected himself, so far, when this happens.

After supper on Monday my daughter, Amber and I visited my Dad. He was still eating when we arrived at Sentry Hill. I didn't want to disturb him so Amber and I took a short drive down to York Harbor where she took my camera and took photos of the sunset over the marshes. When we returned he was in the middle of dessert. So we took a seat opposite him but a few tables away. He immediately recognized us. He said, "Oh, Hi Kev."

After he finished he got up and I heard him say to the 3 others at his table that he was getting up to see his son. There was no indication anyone heard him. We took a walk through the building. Recently I have used the elevator rather than the stairs but decided to try the stairs last night. Each flight is about 20 stairs and the first set he did very well on. We walked the lengths of each level and used the stairs on each.

As we walked he told me he got into trouble by telling a lie. He couldn't remember the circumstances but told me it had to do with a woman that I knew. He couldn't tell me if she was old or young, resident or staff. He had embarrassed himself. I told him I had never know him to tell a lie before and asked what kind of lie it was. He couldn't remember any further details.

I did notice the medal he won in the Senior Olympics was not around is neck as it had been on Saturday's visit. I asked him where it was and he said at his house. I looked in his room and couldn't find it. There was a photo on a chair in his room of a baby on a bed, naked. But up in the air, face looking at the camera. It was a large photo, maybe 20 inches across in a very characteristic frame of the turn of the 19th century. It was of Andrew my Dads roomate up until yesterday as he had just passed away and his stuff was being readied to be taken from the room. It may be at his house as he might have asked my sister to take it so no-one would steal it.

It was difficult as usual to leave. After 2 hours I needed to get Amber home and we tried a, "love you dad, give me a hug, goodbye."

As usual it nearly worked but then he asked, "where am I going?"

I told him as usual for the last (and then counted the months off with my fingers,) 10 months you will be staying here tonight. The concept seems so foreign to him.

Last week my sister drove him to his primary care physician's office, I met them there and we all attended his 4 month check up. He slept most of the visit and woke up at the end. He has type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and more. He takes 7-9 pills a day. For the doctor it is all a balancing act. My fathers stomach rumbles almost constantly and he has lost some control of his bowels. It is a concern when I take him out. As a result I have taken him out less than I did a few months ago.