May 28, 2009

Yesterday afternoon I received a phone call from my dad. He pleaded for me to take him home. I told him I could not take him home and leave him by himself. He sounded so desperate. I called his social worker, Sara and told her of his current frustration. She said she would go for a walk with him and try to ease his stress.

I went to visit him around 6 pm. He was in a very good mood and even danced around a bit. He told me right away that he had spoken with Karen, the administrator. He said he told her he wants to go home and she told him that he also needed to talk with his family. He seemed satisfied that he had made progress in his quest to go home. He also said that he had played cards earlier in the day with Sara. He used to love playing cards.

He and I went upstairs and dropped in on Jack Lewis. Jack is an elderly gentleman, artist. He also happens to play the harmonica. Though I have brought harmonicas to play with Jack in the past this time I brought my guitar. All three of us sat and sang and played old hymns. I also added a few songs that were out of Jack's harmonica key of G. They were some old blues songs that he and my father really enjoyed. My father cannot remember all the words to the hymns he has been singing for most of his life but can follow along very well and stay in key.

Jack Lewis

After our little jamboree my father and I went into the closed upstairs dining room and helped ourselves to a cup of tea. We sat and he talked about buying some land from a neighbor. He didn't know what he would do with it but if he could "get something out of it" he would do it. He was so much more content than earlier in the day. I left around 9 pm. As always he thanked me several times for coming over and I thanked him in return for having me.

May 27, 2009

Memorial Day Weekend is now behind us. I managed to spend most of Saturday and Monday with my father. On Sunday evening Sandra, Nathaniel, Amber and I took him out for an ice cream to a location of his choice. He picked Brown's Old Fashioned Ice Cream near the Nubble Lighthouse in York Beach. The kids size, which we all had was very large. His favorite is butter crunch.

Sandra's mom had an episode on Thursday and we told my father about it while standing in the huge line waiting to order ice cream. She was diagnosed with bleeding in her brain in late winter. She spent some time in the hospital and fortunately made a great recovery. We have come to regard her as a very special lady and my father took the news pretty hard. His body flinched as he listed and then he asked for more details. Sandra told him she was ok, that she had spoken with her and she didn't need to go to the hospital. He was relieved and asked Sandra to tell her he hopes she gets well soon. It was obvious he was very concerned about her.

It is very interesting to me how some things my father remembers completely and somethings he cannot recall but tries to talk about. Often he will not remember that I visited him the previous day according to my sister, but when I return with him to a place he had been a few days earlier he has full recollection. As on Saturday we were working in the garden, he was very content turning the soil over with a spadefork. However he kept looking over at my rototiller parked on the garden's edge as if it were taking a long winter's nap and was ready to wake up. He started asking me why we weren't using it. I told him it wasn't working and he said, "let's fix it."

We towed it from the garden up to the house and began pulling off the starter cord recoil and looked around for some rope to replace the broken one. We found some rope, replaced the broken cord and started pulling. The rope broke immediately.

My sister said she asked him on Sunday what he had done on Saturday and he said nothing. She asked him if he had seen me and he said,"no." Evidently attempting to fix the rototiller had escaped his memory.

On Monday I brought him to our house again and he got right out of the truck and walked up to the rototiller and found I had bought a new cord. He said, "Oh, you got a new one."

He then began to pull on it remembering where we had left off. Bye the way, the tiller still wouldn't start, I think there are carburator issues now.

On Monday my father and I walked to the Memorial Day Parade from Sentry Hill. My son, Silas was drumming in the York High School Band. Unfortunately, the parade was so small and passed so quickly we barely had time to pick him out. It was fun though. My father has gone to the parade for many years. We saw and stood beside some friends of his and to whom he was a bit grumpy with. When they asked him how he had been he said sarcastically, "what do you mean? How do you think I have been?"

This type of response doesn't encourage people to visit with him at Sentry Hill.

....Back to Monday. I walked to the parade with my father and then brought him back to Sentry Hill. He asked if we could go upstairs to see the saw marks or similar on the floor. I had no idea what he was referring to but agreed. We walked up a tall flight of stairs and opened the door into a lobby directly across from a nurses station. The head nurse was standing there and asked my father how he was. She was looking at him intently and asked what was going on with his lips. They were grayish, white. I hadn't noticed.

She sat him down in a chair and took his blood pressure. She said it was 90 over 60. His pulse was 60. I though this was pretty good and then she added that it is very sporadic. She suggested he rest a while. He went on to tell her how much he wanted to go home. That he didn't want to die there. He said he didn't mind dying if he was doing something he wanted to, but why would he want to die there? She was very sympathetic but otherwise wasn't able to help him.

It was very difficult to leave him. I told him I would come back later. The day was beautiful and he asked me if we could go out and look for the ducks in the pond. We went out. We were both very quiet. I knew how badly he wanted to go home. Finally, I said I was going to leave. He walked inside, through the locked doors and into the space so unbeautiful compared to the outdoors we had just left.

I picked him back up around 3:30. We went over to a graveyard where his sister Evelyn is buried. He also intends on being burried here. As it was memorial day I asked Amber and Nathaniel if they would like to come and rake up the graveyard and do some pruning. Although Memorial Day is intended to commemorate fallen soldiers it is also a good time to clean up family graves and reminiss about people my kids never got to know. They agreed and we all spent a bit of time in the woods trimming and tidying up.

Sandra stayed home and cooked dinner for us all. Upon our return home my father ate two baked potates, two ears of corn on the cobb a generous serving of haddock and a piece of apple pie that Sandra baked. We had a nice time with him. And later Sandra said, "I really enjoyed having your dad here."

May 16, 2009

    My father called me up on Wednesday (May 13) evening and asked me to come and pick him up and take him to a place which he could not describe. I asked him if it was home and he couldn't be sure. I was busy with work and told him I couldn't come over at the time. He became more anxious and pleaded with me.

    I drove over to Sentry Hill not being able to figure out what he was talking about. When I got there he was ready to go and grabbed a photo that my sister had recently taken and framed of him and myself. I asked why he was taking the photo and he said he couldn't leave it there. I began to feel like he thought he was leaving permanently. I reminded him that I couldn't take him home and leave him there and that if we went to his house I would have to bring him back in a short while.

    Still being leery of the situation I agreed to take him for a drive. I asked if he were hungry and he said not really. We drove from Sentry Hill up to the hospital and through the parking lot near the cafeteria that he is very familiar with. I asked him if this is where he has in mind. He said no and asked me to keep on driving and he would show me the way. We drove into the center of York Village and he said go left and then right. We drove for a few miles up Old Post Road and he eventually said we have gone to far. He asked me to turn around and explained how we needed to go back to Woodbridge Road and turn right after about a half mile.

    He had just described directions to Sentry Hill. I did feel relieved that his home wasn't his destination but had never experienced anything so bizarre either. We drove up to the back entrance and I thought I would try driving on to make sure he meant it. When I didn't slow down to make the turn into the parking lot he asked where I was going. I turned in. He didn't waste a second getting out of my truck and into the building.

    He seemed so relieved to be back to where we had just come from. He placed the photo he had taken back on his night table. Technorati Tags: dimentia, strange

May 12, 2009

I have just talked with my friend who is at the psychiatric hospital in Concord, NH and is praying he doesn't wake up in the morning. I told he I would pray harder that he does wake up. He has been stripped of everything that he may use as a tool to harm himself, including pencils.

I also spoke with my friends wife and his son who are not dealing very well with the situation. My friend, Mike has become much more despondent than when I talked with him on Saturday and Sunday. His family has not talked with a doctor and really have no idea of why the situation is deteriorating. yuk.

His son Matthew said when he went to visit his father today his father was sitting on the floor leaning against the wall, sobbing. An attendant went to get Mike and was told by him that he wasn't in the shape to see anyone. His son sat for over 20 minutes waiting to no avail.

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I met with my father's social worker, head nurse, nutritionist and daughter today. For some reason my father wasn't invited. We all thought keeping him in the Browning unit, which is locked, would be the safest thing for him. Although they did offer to allow him to move upstairs into Tennyson which is assisted living. I was quite surprised.

After my sister and I left the meeting we met with my father and told him what had transpired. He was very upset and insisted he couldn't stand being locked up any longer and wanted to go home. At that point I realized he should have been included in the meeting.

Now, we will re explore the possibility of him moving to a section of the building that is not locked and where he will have the opportunity to come and go at will. I do feel it will be dangerous if he wanders off and gets lost but cannot say it is better to break his heart.

Although my dad is still responsible for his actions he has made no attempt to go home. He certainly has told us that is where he would prefer to be.

Mid afternoon, realizing I wouldn't be able to find time to go back over to Sentry Hill for a second time today I called my oldest son Nathaniel and asked him if he could go over and visit his grandfather. He declined saying that he was just out the door going for a run. He said that he would like to go over though and added that he is uncomfortable seeing his grandfather in such a condition.

I am glad he told me this. He also added that he will go see him but today was untimely.

I called my father later in the day, before super. I told him that my sister and I would make an effort to get him into and area of the building where he would be free to come and go outside. He was pleased and asked me to visit him tonight three times. I told him I had to work late and wouldn't have dinner til after seven at which time I would be very tired and didn't think I would be able to. He asked again and said he hoped to see me.

I have though about him a lot today. He is still so very much alive and still wanting and hoping though more often than not is in despair. Some of his brain is faltering and some is still as much in survival mode as ever. I am a huge admirer of his determination and have told him many so many times.Technorati Tags: psychiatric hospital, suicide, nutrionist, Tennyson,

May 12, 2009

Yesterday I picked up my younger son Silas, who is a sophomore in high school after his track practice at 4:30. We drove from the school over to Sentry Hill to visit my dad. The high school is only a mile or so from Sentry Hill so it is quite convenient to combine a pick-up with a visit.

My son's response to my strategy was, "I will just sit in the car, I can't stand going in there."

I let it go and when we pulled into the parking lot I told him to come along, we would only spend 15 minutes visiting grandpa. He was a bit skeptical but conceded. We found grandpa in his room, sitting quietly in an LL Bean chair he takes much pride in. We coached him up and outside to the pond which is just 100 feet from his door and where 12 ducklings we had seen the previous day were still frolicking with their mother duck. There were other ducks now which had not been there before. My father told us that earlier there were 40 to 100 white birds as well. He could not tell us what kind of birds they were though we named as many white birds as we could think of, all wrong according to him.

We took him back in as dinner was prepared and in the process of being served. My father was disappointed that we were leaving so soon. Silas and I walked him over to his seat in the dining area and gave him a hug and wished him a nice night. After he seated himself and as we started to leave he followed us to the door. Once again he offered a hug. He seemed more disappointed and I asked him if he had prayed lately. He said, "No, he hadn't remembered to."

We coached him out into a hall area between the two doors and all held hands. My father prayed out loud, for God to give make us wiser so we can see his way. And he prayed for god to take care of us. We all said Amen. My father immediately became animated and more alive. I thanked him for the prayer. He asked me 3 times when I would be coming over tomorrow. I told him in the afternoon and he said, "In the morning, then?"

I said, "No dad, in the afternoon. Finally he said, "ok."

He then went back in and Silas and I went out. We got into the truck and headed home.

As we pulled out of the parking lot Silas said, "I really like it when Grandpa is happier."

I said, "Yeah, see what prayers can do."

My sister called a few moments ago here at work and asked if I could come over for a meeting with the social worker and others at Sentry Hill. The meeting is at 10 am. I won't have time today to attend the meeting and visit this afternoon. I know he will be waiting to see me this afternoon. I will leave for the meeting now.

Technorati Tags: prayer, Sentry Hill, ducklings, Alzhiemer's, LL Bean

May 11, 2009

I have not watched Maria Shriver's documentary on Alzheimer's yet but intend to. You can find it here on www.HBO.com/alzheimers

May 9, 2009

After not visiting my dad yesterday I knew that he would wonder where I had been. An old friend of mine was committed to a mental health facility, both he and his wife were suicidal. This really took a lot out of me. Also, my son was part of an honors banquet to which both Sandra, my wife and I accompanied him too. As usual, work seems to get the time that is left over from so many other seeming priorities.

This afternoon I was able to visit my father and had a very nice time. Back when he used to go to the York Hospital Cafeteria daily he befriended a very nice lady and her 92 year old dad. She has called several times and made arrangements for either my sister or myself to meet them at the cafeteria with my father for dinner. He very much looks forward to it.

Tonight the arrangements had been made and we met them just after 5:30. After dinner they had found out we had walked over to the hospital and offered us a ride back to Sentry Hill. We accepted and were able to give them a quick tour of the facility.

The early night sky was very beautiful. The flowering trees seemed to be on fire. The lush green grass was pushing upwards in a hurry and was in need of a trim. There is a pond just below my father's unit and there was a mother duck and 12 baby ducklings paddling about and then sauntering about in the bushes. They were a lovely site and a true confirmation spring has finally arrived.My father, Haven with his friends Frank (center) and Theresa (right)

After the my dad's guests left we sat in a large octagonal room. I showed him some photos I had taken on my camera's monitor and then we were interrupted by one of the staff. My father clearly did not like it and was quite rude. The lady was very nice to him but he just wouldn't reciprocate. He can be like this, I don't know why.

Before dinner we had walked up through town and found our way to the town hall porch. There was a very nice bench on it and we sat down. My father was very concerned we would be late for dinner with his friends. We were an hour early and I suggested we walk behind the town hall and into the First Parish graveyard to look for his grandfathers headstone.

He pointed us to the right direction. Although as we got closer he started to walk off into a bushy thicket. I asked where he was going and he said the grave was that way. I said no, follow me and based on his previous directions we were able to find the headstone. It was inscribed with FREEMAN...JOHN W. FREEMAN, RALPH FREEMAN and his wife ABBIE FREEMAN

I had never seen this headstone before. John Wesley was my great grandfather. My grandfather and grandmother are also in this cemetery and we both began looking for them. I kind of knew where they were but couldn't find them. My father was anxious not be late so we abandoned the graveyard and headed for the hospital cafeteria.

May 7, 2009

Yesterday was very busy. I left for Worcester, MA at 7:30am to pick up my oldest son at Clark University where he just completed his freshman year. My wifes parents met me there and after we packed him up we walked around the campus. This was his grandparents first visit to the campus. The grounds looked especially nice with the flowering trees speckled against the brick buildings.



After driving home I got to work around 1:30 and worked til 6:30pm on a website that I had made good progress on. Then I jumped in my truck and drove over to Sentry Hill to visit my dad.

When I walked into the common area I was approached by one of the kitchen staff and was told my father offered her $5 to take him outside.

I found him in his room with the door closed. I knocked and he said, "who is it."

I said, "Kevin." I pushed the door open and walked in. He had been lying on his bed. I sat in a chair and asked how he was. He looked pretty good and didn't complain. I asked if he would like to take a walk or go for a ride. He said he had no preference so we walked.

We took a nice walk, probably just under 2 miles, up York Street and through the center of town and returned via Woodbridge Road. He was very lucid and insistent that I explain what had been told to me by the social worker. I explained that she told me he would be allowed to go out whenever he wanted. He only needed to ask someone and that they did not want him to feel like he had been locked in.

After our meeting with the administrator last week it was decided we would have a meeting with the administrator, head nurse and social worker to discuss the options for my father. It seemed too complicated to get us all together so I had an abreviated meeting with just the social worker over the phone. She said they considered moving my father into another section where there are no locked doors which would allow him to leave anytime.

My sister and I have apprehension about this, as well as the above mentioned staff. We are not certain he would always be able to find his way back and after walking with him in town I am concerned he may not notice an oncoming car. So we decided it would be safest for him to stay in the Browning unit but somehow allow him access to the outside, attended.

Toward the end of our walk my father asked me if we could go up to his house as he wanted to charge a battery for his tractor. I tried to think of other options for charging it, such as have me do it on the way home as I live a mile from his home. But he persisted and we drove up to his house. It was around 9pm when we pulled into his darkened driveway. He asked me if we were at Bud's house as he didn't recognize where we were. I told him this was his home, we got out and everything became familiar to him. He checked the heating oil level, started his truck up, opened his front door and we walked in finding everything just as he left it.

He perused through his many most cherished items making sure they were there and finding many other things that interested him. He was proud of the fact that he knew where most of the items had come from, from whom he purchased them from or some seemingly otherwise unimportant fact.

He excitedly said, "I don't know how I remember all this stuff Kev, I just do!"

He asked me to confirm his reason for excitement which I did as I wondered how he was able to retain so much info when yesterday my sister told me he was clueless about where he was, people and even food.

Yesterday has probably been his worst day. She said he was very despondent. I planned on visiting him with my middle son but when I picked him up at school he told me he was feeling like he may have the flue. So I decided not to visit my dad.